Depersonalization Disorder (DPD)

December 18, 2009 at 7:15 am (Uncategorized)

…symptoms include a sense of automation, going through the motions of life but not experiencing it, feeling as though one is in a movie, feeling as though one is in a dream, feeling a disconnection from one’s body; out-of-body experience, a detachment from one’s body, environment and difficulty relating oneself to reality… – Wikipedia

For the past month or so I have been feeling really out if it. It was as if my body was a mere vessel through which my mind experiences this world. I don’t feel particularly engaged in what I am doing, as I space out frequently. When I engaged in risque shenanigans I was sufficiently detached that I felt no shame. In fact, I was as equally amused as any bystander would be.  At times I feel like the increasingly tenuous connection between my mind and body is affecting my cognitive performances. During one of my finals my mind was commanding my body (perhaps vice versa works too…?) to HURRY UP to no avail.

My best friend Lee lives in Shanghai. In the wee hours I would get woken up by her texts. As I was waking up, I would think to myself, “This is probably a message from my best friend. I should probably return her messages because I am her best friend and that’s what best friends do.” When I hugged my boyfriend, I’d reassure myself, “This is totally cool. This is my boyfriend. Girlfriends hug their boyfriends.” It’s quite bizarre that I’ve gotten into a habit of labeling my relationships before sanctioning the actions to be taken.

Bruce says this is a good way to “keep the distinction between mind and body”. I just kinda hope I can snap out of it soon. It’s kind of funny the Wikipedia article likens DPD to “feeling as though one is in a dream”, implying a state of haziness, because my dreams are much more vivid than my real life experiences.

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